What do you do about narcissists?

smoothie

I give them a chance to explain their position, if they cannot do it logically, with any evidence to back up their claims, or continue to verbally harass people, then I stop engaging with them about it.

On the internet, I mute them. In real life or if they are important to me, I never bring anything they feel so strongly about up ever again. It's not worth talking to a brick wall.

Although I am guilty of trying to understand these types of people because humanity is interesting, and it is fascinating how angry and defensive they can become.

A few narcissists have invaded this website (I think you can guess who they are), I thought that they could be engaged with and understood. However, I have lost all faith in them after giving them way too many chances. They clearly don't understand what a debate website actually is. You don't learn anything from throwing a fit, they need to first accept that nobody is perfect and anybody can be wrong.

RickeyD

Generally speaking, the one who complains about narcissism is a narcissist and blinded by his or her own pride and arrogance.

Happy_Killbot

@RickeyD How ironic.

It's a catch-22 then isn't it?

If you call someone a narcissist you are a narcissist, but if you don't then no one is.

We are talking about how to deal with them , not who they are or are not here. Is there nothing in your "holy book" that serves as guidance when dealing with the pathologically narcissistic?

Or is there maybe some reason that such guidance would be specifically omitted? Perhaps relating to the psychological profile of a certain esteemed individual?

MayCaesar

First, "narcissist" is one of the most overused words in layman psychology, and I have never encountered anyone who I would call that objectively. There are people who do not have much empathy, but that does not mean they just go around using everyone all the time. Narcissism is also a selective phenomenon: you can be a narcissist towards strangers, for example, and yet be willing to sacrifice everything for your friends and family.

Narcissist behaviors also may exist in people with no narcissist inclinations, for various reasons. In my old good social anxiety days, for example, despite my strong empathy to virtually all living creatures, I had a huge difficulty actually expressing that empathy, and strong discomfort around other people made me behave as if I did not care that much about them, even though deep inside I did. On social anxiety forums, you see people calling others "narcissist" all the time, yet themselves often behaving as a narcissist would - I can totally relate to that, as I used to be in those shoes as well, thinking everyone around me manipulative and pushing people away from me as a result.

Now, all that said: how do you deal with someone who is apparently using you for their own gain, disregarding your interests completely? Well, you do not. There is little to be gained from such an interaction. If it is a stranger, or a friend, etc., then you can always just walk away. If it is someone in a position of power, like your boss, or a police officer, or your landlord, then the best way to go is to try to make the interaction as brief as possible and to minimise the damage dealt to you. And if it is someone you are not willing to let go of and who you will be interacting with a lot (for example, your spouse, or your sister), then you can try to get them to change their ways - but if they do not, then there is not much you can do.

A very important thing to realise in life is that you have no control over what other people do (although you can often influence their actions), but you have full control over what you do.

Also remember that you can always, always walk away and break ties with the person - it can be costly sometimes, but it can always be done, with very rare exceptions, such as you being hold in jail against your will and having to interact with the same guard every day. If you are not walking away, yet the person absolutely makes you insane, then you have to ask why you are not walking away.
Your boss is paying you a high salary, but treating you like a carpet? Well, you have to ask yourself whether this high salary is worth it. For that matter, if you got a high salary to begin with, then you probably have some highly marketable skills, and if that is so, then you should have no trouble finding another job paying you a similar amount of money, but with a better work environment.

You are never powerless, and you can always do something about your situation. You can always change your social circle (again, unless you are in prison or strongly debilitated in some other way), you can always change your work environment, you can always change the location where you live. You can do anything you want; just be aware that most worthwhile actions also bear serious costs. You can absolutely get rid of your self-centered parents, for example, and never interact with them again; just bear in mind that, if you ever need help and they are in a position to help you, then you will not be able to count on their help. Is this a worthwhile trade? No one can decide that but you.

ZeusAres42

While I have had to deal with some difficult people in the past I wouldn't say that I have met anyone that is truly narcissistic.