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Do you hold onto anger towards other's who have offended you? How's your stress level?

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I once listened to a lecture on the effects of holding grudges, not forgiving people who have done you wrong, holding anger against your spouse for the same types of things year after year, etc.

The speaker explained how unforgiving people will hold onto anger, thereby doing more harm to themselves then those who have angered them.

He went on to say that these angry people are in a constant state of unhappiness and turmoil, always fretting over some other person who has done them wrong.

The speaker explained how the person living in your mind is probably out enjoying life, stress free, seldom giving you or the past argument a thought.

We can all relate to times when we have had conflicts with family members, co workers, etc.
So what happens? We fret day after day about the awkwardness of working around some co worker we've argued with.

We spend days at a time not speaking to our spouse from the same argument relived time after time.

How do YOU feel when dealing with these situations? You feel miserable even though you may be in the right. Maybe in your eyes, it was completely the other person's fault, but day after day it is YOU feeling terrible about it.

The bottom line of this speaker's lecture, was to get you to understand how forgiveness, letting go of your anger, not having to always be right, etc., will be the best thing you could ever do for your own well being.

Stress is responsible for many negative health issues in our lives, so we all have a choice to make.
We can choose to always be right when dealing with others who have offended us. We can choose to hold onto grudges etc., living with that constant nagging stress.
OR, we can choose to turn the other cheek, forgive and forget, regardless who was at fault. By doing this, we will be the ones enjoying a stress free life, enjoying our marriage, enjoying our co workers, etc.

It takes two to argue. We can choose to take the high ground, be the first one to forgive and forget, and living happier lives as a result. As soon as you stop getting angry every time your spouse does not take out the garbage, or does not close the cupboard doors (my pet peeve), or comes home late without telling you, he will see a change in you! The same argument repeated for years, will stop!
He will see a change in your personality, a change that he's been seeking for a long time. His complaint was that you complain all the time, over very minor things.

Guess what will happen? That garbage wil all of a sudden get talken out on time. The cupboard doors might actually be closed, and you might start getting phones calls telling you where he is and when he will get home. I repeat, it takes TWO to argue, and when one spouse breaks the cycle, there will be a change in both of you. 

These truths to the benefits of forgiveness, turning the other cheek, etc. are written throughout the New Testament Bible, and are a wonderful road map to a happy life. If you actually think the Bible was written by men and not enspired by God, then those desert farmers were very wise indeed.




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  • MayCaesarMayCaesar 5970 Pts   -   edited February 2020
    Never holding any grudges is one of my character traits I am most proud of. Not only does it make life much easier, as you never have to remember who did what to you and who you should treat how, but it also keeps your social circle infinitely large, as everyone you have met you can talk to without any awkwardness at any point in the future.

    A lot of problems in our lives arise because we spend way too much time in our heads, overthinking everything and coming up with interpretations that have nothing to do with reality. "My colleague did not greet me with a smile today. She also mentioned a couple of days ago that my t-shirt looked funny, and a week ago she refused my invitation to a party. Clearly she hates me. Very well, then to hell with her!" You spend the next year avoiding interaction with her and resenting her. Then one day she invites you to a party, you are confused and ask her why... Turns out she really liked you all this time and did not understand why you were avoiding her, her t-shirt comment was well-intentioned, she refused your invitation to a party because she had to visit her mother at the hospital, and she did not greet you with a smile because... she does not even remember that now, maybe she just had her work on her mind?

    I find it easier to just let people speak for themselves, than constantly try to guess what they are thinking. Or try to guess their motives, for that matter. It is very rare that people mistreat you with the purpose of harming you; usually they have good intentions and just fail to follow through with them. Instead of getting offended and holding grudges, it makes more sense to shrug it off and, at most, talk about it in a peaceful manner later.

    Human mind is interesting in that it always seeks connections between things, and when the connections are not there, it comes up with imaginary ones. It is so easy to prescribe so many connections to the most minor things, such as someone not replying to your "Hi", yet most of the time the actual explanations are very simple: "I was distracted".
    We_are_accountableZeusAres42xlJ_dolphin_473Josh_DrakeOakTownA
  • @MayCaesar

    I agree with what you are saying, and it's true that when someone refuses to acknowledge us, we think for some reason they are angry with us, and we may avoid them for that reason.

    I believe insecurity is the biggest cause of anger and arguments.  An insecure person will listen to another's words, and most times take them as an insult towards them.

    For example, a husband might ask an insecure wiife if she knows where his glasses are. As the words enter her ears, they are transformed into... WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY GLASSESS???? Then the argument begins over absolutely nothing.

     
  • Very rarely I do hold grudges. Most of the time I've got better things to do with my time than continue to hold a grudge.



  • piloteerpiloteer 1577 Pts   -  
    @We_are_accountable

    If I may have ever said anything on this site toward you that was less than courteous, I hope you may find it in your heart to forgive me. I sometimes let my emotions get the better of me, and that's not your fault, it's mine. Sorry!!!  No matter who we are, I believe holding onto grudges is one of the most toxic emotional burdens we can carry, and I very much dislike the fact that we are capable of such decadence as human beings. If I spew abusive rhetoric towards others here, I sometimes forget that I'm taking out my anger on a self made image of a person who I do not know, so therefore my anger can only ever be chalked up to illogical anger toward someone I do not know. Again, I'm sorry!  
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