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What have I learned from transitioning? I can’t overstate the biggest joy, which is really seeing yourself. I know I look different to others, but to me I’m just starting to look like myself. It’s indescribable, because I’m just like, there I am. And thank God. Here I am. So the greatest joy is just being able to feel present, literally, just to be present. To go out in a group of new people and be able to engage in a way where I didn’t feel this constant sensation to flee from my body, this never-ending sensation of anxiety and nervousness and wanting out.
When I say I couldn’t have ever imagined feeling that way, I mean that with every sense of me.‐‐‐‐----‐----------------------------------------------------------------------
This really big , less than an arm’s length away, was just screaming at me, “You faggot! Don’t look at me! You faggot, faggot!” I couldn’t even just go, like, I’m not looking at you. It was the one time I’d left the hotel that whole day. I was just trying to cross the street, and I couldn’t because it was Sunset Boulevard and there’s traffic, so I decided in my brain—because he was so tall—that I couldn’t do anything physically. If I said something, he could retaliate. If I turned around, that could trigger something else. So I thought, I’m just going to have to bet on standing completely still and staring straight ahead
And then eventually, after him yelling, “Faggot! Faggot! Faggot!” some more, he started to walk off and I started to cross the street. And then he just started screaming, behind me, “I’m gonna kill you, you faggot! I’m gonna kill you, you faggot! I’m gonna gay-bash you!” So I ran—I was alone—I ran into a convenience store, and as I was opening the door he yelled, “This is why I need a gun!”
Yeah, I don’t think people really get it.
There are people in elected office saying that, essentially, transgender people are going to be responsible for the end of existence. That degree of rhetoric is really alarming and horrible. It’s also endless misinformation—and people buy it. The idea of gender being a binary concept specifically based on genitalia is a very new idea in relation to human history. We existed in every culture throughout history! People don’t learn about that reality. They’re banning kids from learning it. It’s all tactical.
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